Finding joy.
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Finding JOY may require you to look at things differently. Stop doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. Seeing things through a different lense might encourage a different perspective to develop.
Redefining Success
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As I sat in spin class the other morning, attempting to huff and puff up a hill, the instructor said, "Nothing and no one is standing in the way of your success. Only you can create that success for yourself." That's when it hit me, I've been defining success all wrong.
Ever since I was little I defined success as accomplishing a goal where time, hard work and determination (mixed with stubbornness) helped me achieve things like graduating UCLA with honors, getting into NYU for grad school and achieving not 1, but 2, dream jobs in my career. As I've gotten older I find it harder to find satisfaction in moments of unsuccessfulness. The disappointment is more grand, the sense of defeat more deflating.
So there I was in spin class having an ah-ha moment realizing I've been handling my unsuccessful moments ALL WRONG! Only I can create success for myself. Only I can determine what is successful and what is not. Only I have the strength and ability to decide if my successes are only successful when meeting certain criteria or if the lesson learned along the journey is enough.
The thing is, I'm quick to see the failure and the disappointment. I'm even quicker to feel the defeat, and I allow that defeat to become negative self talk.
As I apply this shift of thought to my infertility circumstance I feel a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders. I can choose to see each month that I'm not pregnant as a failure or I can reflect and find the pockets, the small moments, that taught me something - therefore, finding success within that.
So while I'm not pregnant this month, I'm choosing to look at this month through a different lens. I'm not pregnant, but I can successfully list an abundance of joyful things in my life with whole hearted appreciation - which is not normally something that comes easy to me. In addition, I'm not angry at my body for forsaking me once again this month. While these two things might seem small to some, they are huge successes for me.
My hope is by redefining success I can start to see and believe that I AM ENOUGH.
Best Grief Advice I’ve Received After a Miscarriage
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I don’t remember who told me this but I found this transcribed note on my phone today. If you or someone you know is grieving, I pray this little passage gives you hope and encouragement, and is a reminder that it's okay to feel. Feel the rush of emotions, allow yourself to go through the journey, with hopefulness that the person you will be in the other side is a better version of yourself.
"Grief is a strange part of life, and it’s a cycle that should not be cut short. It cuts deep; it hits hard, and rolls over you with bone crushing waves. You need to just go through it, knowing one day you will come out better on the other side." -unknown
If someone you know, is grieving a lost love, a dream, an expectation, etc - the best thing you can do is be there for them. Be there while their pain is cutting deep wounds in their heart. Be there to pick them up after they've been knocked down by crushing waves of emotions. Even in moments where it feels like you aren't being much help, know that by being there, you are making a difference by pouring love into their life.