Redefining Success

As I sat in spin class the other morning, attempting to huff and puff up a hill, the instructor said, "Nothing and no one is standing in the way of your success. Only you can create that success for yourself." That's when it hit me, I've been defining success all wrong.

Ever since I was little I defined success as accomplishing a goal where time, hard work and determination (mixed with stubbornness) helped me achieve things like graduating UCLA with honors, getting into NYU for grad school and achieving not 1, but 2, dream jobs in my career. As I've gotten older I find it harder to find satisfaction in moments of unsuccessfulness. The disappointment is more grand, the sense of defeat more deflating.

So there I was in spin class having an ah-ha moment realizing I've been handling my unsuccessful moments ALL WRONG!  Only I can create success for myself. Only I can determine what is successful and what is not. Only I have the strength and ability to decide if my successes are only successful when meeting certain criteria or if the lesson learned along the journey is enough.

The thing is, I'm quick to see the failure and the disappointment. I'm even quicker to feel the defeat, and I allow that defeat to become negative self talk.

As I apply this shift of thought to my infertility circumstance I feel a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders. I can choose to see each month that I'm not pregnant as a failure or I can reflect and find the pockets, the small moments, that taught me something - therefore, finding success within that.

So while I'm not pregnant this month, I'm choosing to look at this month through a different lens. I'm not pregnant, but I can successfully list an abundance of joyful things in my life with whole hearted appreciation - which is not normally something that comes easy to me. In addition, I'm not angry at my body for forsaking me once again this month. While these two things might seem small to some, they are huge successes for me.

My hope is by redefining success I can start to see and believe that I AM ENOUGH.

Finding STRENGTH in uncomfortable moments.

Have you checked out the amazing Linsey over at The Delightful Collective? If not, you're missing out. She shares everyday delights that inspire her, in hopes of inspiring others.  She's talking about STRENGTH up on her blog today.

She mentions:

"... you'll have moments where you'll have to be strongest at your weakest in order to get from point A to point B and sometimes that means taking mind over matter."

This made me think of my approach to teaching my middle school students. 

Two of the grades I teach are 6th and 7th graders who are required to take dance as part of their performing arts curriculum. That means I see every 6/7th graders by the end of year regardless of their interest in dance. Sound like your nightmare? Oddly, I enjoy it. Most students have never taken a dance class, some have danced since they were itty bitty, and others are Olympic qualifying gymnasts who study dance as part of their training. (I'm not exaggerating!) 

Our class motto is: 

"Embrace feeling uncomfortable because feeling uncomfortable builds character, leading to higher confidence, equaling strength and success."

I'm constantly reminding my students to embrace those uncomfortable moments when their lack of confidence leads them to believe they are weak. It's in these moments they want to give up because they don't realize the strength they already possess, nor do they remember the strength that will develop from preserving. It's an honor to see the transformation that occurs in these tweens as they navigate and apply our class motto to their learning. The result includes a developed strength that is both physical and emotional. Many students have mentioned they apply the same mentality outside of school and have felt a difference in their self-confidence and the way they view the world.

Why is it that I have no problem reminding my students to embrace the uncomfortable when I have a hard time doing that myself? I embrace their transformation, yet I don't apply what I'm teaching in my own life. Why do I find it easy to apply this mentality to the physical, like achieving a good workout, but forget the benefit of it when it pertains to emotional strength? 

The Delightful Collective  has curated 10 quotes on strength, see photo and link below. My goal is to include a handful of these in my daily mantra rotation so the next time anxiety and fear want to seep through, I'm armed and ready to fight back with developed emotional STRENGTH. 

Click on photo to read The Delightful Collective's blog post on strength.