Best Grief Advice I’ve Received After a Miscarriage

I don’t remember who told me this but I found this transcribed note on my phone today.  If you or someone you know is grieving, I pray this little passage gives you hope and encouragement, and is a reminder that it's okay to feel. Feel the rush of emotions, allow yourself to go through the journey, with hopefulness that the person you will be in the other side is a better version of yourself. 

"Grief is a strange part of life, and it’s a cycle that should not be cut short. It cuts deep; it hits hard, and rolls over you with bone crushing waves. You need to just go through it, knowing one day you will come out better on the other side." -unknown

If someone you know, is grieving a lost love, a dream, an expectation, etc - the best thing you can do is be there for them. Be there while their pain is cutting deep wounds in their heart. Be there to pick them up after they've been knocked down by crushing waves of emotions. Even in moments where it feels like you aren't being much help, know that by being there, you are making a difference by pouring love into their life. 

The universe's cruel joke.

The thing doctors fail to tell you about waiting to pass an unviable pregnancy - you will FEEL and LOOK pregnant even though there isn't a viable pregnancy in your womb.

It's the universe's cruel joke.

A forgotten journal entry.

Truth. 

A year ago today I found out I was having another miscarriage. I'm usually really good at remembering when my miscarriages occur. As the anniversary of each lost baby gets closer my body remembers, it recalls the sensation of loss deep in it's bones.

This anniversary is different. To be honest, I forgot this happened a year ago today. My body didn't remind me by giving my a deep sense of grief like it normally does. My mind failed to replay the memory in my dreams. 

Do I care less about this pregnancy?  

Are my pregnancies starting to matter less because I've experienced so many?

Am I become numb to this infertility journey? 

Reading my journal entry from a year ago was eye opening to me. I'm reminded of a quote my friend shared with me, "Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love." 

So although my body and my mind didn't remind me of the anniversary of losing my 10th pregnancy, it doesn't mean my grief has ended. No! My grief has simply changed, it looks and feels different a year later. 

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Journal Entry: December 18th, 2015

10 miscarriages.

Today Josh and I are left grieving another baby.  Another pregnancy, another baby that went straight to heaven.  It's odd to reflect back on our other 9 losses.  Somehow this one feels different.  My emotions are slightly more neutral, almost like I've been in this exact place before.  Oh right, I have.  It's like groundhog day - repeating the same chain of events over and over.  I wish for a different outcome, yet I'm left with the same experience. I'm left grieving a lost baby and grieving what little faith I had in my body.

It's not a coincidence that a lovely friend of mine sent me a necklace this week that is the daintiest guardian angle wing.  With it, her wise words:

"Grief never ends, but it changes.  It's a passage, not a place to stay.  Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith.  It is the price of love."

So I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time, making my way along this journey.  I know that God is tenderly holding my babies in heaven.

Side note: I also know God won't judge me for the McDonalds large fry and strawberry milkshake I'm about to devour.