Redefining Success

As I sat in spin class the other morning, attempting to huff and puff up a hill, the instructor said, "Nothing and no one is standing in the way of your success. Only you can create that success for yourself." That's when it hit me, I've been defining success all wrong.

Ever since I was little I defined success as accomplishing a goal where time, hard work and determination (mixed with stubbornness) helped me achieve things like graduating UCLA with honors, getting into NYU for grad school and achieving not 1, but 2, dream jobs in my career. As I've gotten older I find it harder to find satisfaction in moments of unsuccessfulness. The disappointment is more grand, the sense of defeat more deflating.

So there I was in spin class having an ah-ha moment realizing I've been handling my unsuccessful moments ALL WRONG!  Only I can create success for myself. Only I can determine what is successful and what is not. Only I have the strength and ability to decide if my successes are only successful when meeting certain criteria or if the lesson learned along the journey is enough.

The thing is, I'm quick to see the failure and the disappointment. I'm even quicker to feel the defeat, and I allow that defeat to become negative self talk.

As I apply this shift of thought to my infertility circumstance I feel a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders. I can choose to see each month that I'm not pregnant as a failure or I can reflect and find the pockets, the small moments, that taught me something - therefore, finding success within that.

So while I'm not pregnant this month, I'm choosing to look at this month through a different lens. I'm not pregnant, but I can successfully list an abundance of joyful things in my life with whole hearted appreciation - which is not normally something that comes easy to me. In addition, I'm not angry at my body for forsaking me once again this month. While these two things might seem small to some, they are huge successes for me.

My hope is by redefining success I can start to see and believe that I AM ENOUGH.

Finding Comfort in Stillness

Living in today's society, especially in the city of LA, it's rare to have a moment of stillness in my day. I'm often rushing from one thing to the next. More so, I hate being in stillness for fear of not getting stuff checked off my to-do list.

Until one day I'm forced to do it, my body crashes and I'm forced to slllooooowwww down. It never fails, when I allow myself to, I feel refreshed and content. I feel connected to myself, to my body, and to my needs. 

Count your blessings

It's so easy to go through everyday life and only see the negativity. I find myself driving (in LA traffic!) thinking of all the things I WISH I had, I WISH I could do, I WISH I said, or I WISH didn't happen to me. 

So much of my energy is used viewing things from the "glass is half empty" perspective instead of being grateful that there is something in my glass. I need to start seeing the blessings in my life, even the small things, even when it's hard to find words of Thanksgiving.