I'm Back!

Why haven’t I written a new post in the last few months? Honestly? I thought I had come to an acceptance with my infertility. (The key word– thought.) I’m no longer allowing my diagnosis to define who I am so why should I keep blogging? I’m not allowing infertility to strip the joy from my life, so why do I need to keep journaling my process?

After a 4-year battle with cancer, my dad passed away right before Easter. I was flooded with emotions, obviously grieving the loss of an important, steadfast, person in my life. More so, it took this life event to show me I had become really good at shoving down and masking my real and raw emotions in life. I had created scabs over wounds of loss (loss of babies, loss of a dream, loss of a working female body) and allowed myself to think I was “okay”.  

If I’m being honest, I had stopped blogging because I thought I had it all together – which is far from the truth. In hopes of not letting my infertility define me, I had allowed myself to live in this false reality where my infertility wasn’t part of me. Infertility may not define me, but it is part of my story and has woven who I am today. The experiences I have lived have shaped my heart and given me wisdom about my faith. It’s given a voice to a topic that is not talked about much and created dialogue amongst an on-line community that I didn’t know existed. While my journey has evolved, shifted and changed in the last few months, there is still a ton of work to be done. I don’t define myself by infertility, nor do I let it strip me of joy, but I am committing myself to the healing process, allowing the wounds to be exposed and mended.