Being brave and experiencing JOY in the midst of grief.

A lovely L.A. sunset.

To date, I've experienced 11 miscarriages, the most recent occurring earlier this month. 

It's hard to explain to others in a way that is easily understood, because no one else was connected to my babies. I was the only one who ever physically "touched" them. I carried them and my heart was knit to theirs and my life sustained their lives... until one day it didn't. And it was, and continues to be, utterly crushing. 

It's brave to feel and let out grief. And it's brave to put on a new dress, go out to dinner, and smile for a picture when your insides hurt so bad. Just about every minute of life is a brave one when you're walking through the trenches. And sometimes it's actually harder to show the world your real self in your darkest days. 

However, I realize God gave me emotions so I could experience life, not to destroy it. That is something to be JOYFUL about.

Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."