Living in today's society, especially in the city of LA, it's rare to have a moment of stillness in my day. I'm often rushing from one thing to the next. More so, I hate being in stillness for fear of not getting stuff checked off my to-do list.
Until one day I'm forced to do it, my body crashes and I'm forced to slllooooowwww down. It never fails, when I allow myself to, I feel refreshed and content. I feel connected to myself, to my body, and to my needs.
Faith is a tricky thing because it's rooted in something that isn't tangible. Rather, its rooted in reflection.
I'm such a reflective practitioner yet my level of faith is not always as high as it should be. My personal goal is to strengthen my faith, but how does one go about doing that?
I realize my reflection usually encompasses self-improvement, ways I can make myself better. I rarely reflect with JOY and GRATITUDE, acknowledging thankfulness for all things - big and small - God has provided in my life.
That needs to change.
I'm starting to see in order to have faith I need to of had a previous moment in my life that gives me reason to believe the outcome will be abundant. Without acknowledging JOY and GRATITUDE on a regular basis, it's no wonder my faith is constantly wavering.
I need to remember the past in order to be reminded how previous outcomes have played out. I need to recall the amazing things happening - usually after they have been done, to note it and show gratitude for it.
Our faith grows when we respond and reflect with gratitude.
“By following God’s commands to stop, reflect, worship, and sacrifice, these memories become the very fabric of their faith.”
A key predictor of our obedience in the future is remembering God’s goodness in the past.
This is the question Aiden posed to me last night. Yep, I was crying... again!
In the last month or so I've cried in front of Aiden more times than I can keep track of. In addition to those many moments I can't recall reasons for, there was once after finding out his nanny made the decision to leave us and another was when I found out my father-in-law has stage 4 cancer. The night I'm describing, the night Aiden asked why I was crying... again, was initiated out of fear - topped with a dose of reality.
Right before the waterworks began Aiden was playing with his Micky Mouse stuffed animal, pretending it was "his baby", rocking him to sleep and soothing him as he cried. It was in that moment I realized, Aiden may NEVER have a similar experience with a baby sibling. He may NEVER have that special moment of meeting a sibling for the first time, taking that infamous 'first look' photo - his brother or sister swaddled so sweetly in my arms and his eyes gazing lovingly into the baby's eyes. He may NEVER experience the pride of helping take care of a baby or learn the life skills that come along with sibling spats.
For that, I feel guilty. I have the ability to change his circumstance. I have the ability to bring a sibling for him into this world. At least I thought I did. Apparently my body, and God, have other plans.
As I began to have a pity party I quickly remembered that earlier that morning another month cycle proved to be unsuccessful. To top it off, I was 4 days late this month - so for 96ish hours I was living in the possibility that I may be pregnant. For 4 days I was trying to tune in to see if I had any pregnancy signs. This morning I was proved wrong. This morning I had to accept the reality that another month of possibility gone, another month without a pregnancy, another month of my body failing me.
So, now what?
Now I try to pull up my bootstraps, pray and find that glimmer of hope in my heart that exists deep down in the trenches between disparity and despair. It's in that glimmer of hope that I persevere into another month and hold onto the joys I have in my life. It's through this hope that I find the courage to be joyful for what I've been blessed with, even when it's hard to find words of thanksgiving.
Powered by Squarespace
